Freaking Out and Self- Doubt – It’s Normal

The “Wives” section of this blog I will write in real time as I am learning and growing in my role as a wife.

I don’t take this role lightly; I very much believe it will be the most important role I will ever have aside from being a mother.

I never once questioned marrying Bernard – I feel very strongly that he was placed into my life intentionally and was always the person with whom I was to spend the rest of my life. However, I did before saying “I do” and even now lack confidence in my abilities to be a satisfactory wife to him.
The same week I graduated with my Master’s I lost my job. The company I worked for filed bankruptcy and laid off all its employees. I had been running sprints, or so it seemed; going to graduate school, working full-time, and planning a wedding. Within one week it all came to a screeching halt. Up until that point, I don’t think I ever fully absorbed the gravity of this giant leap I was about to take in my life from girlfriend to fiancé to wife. I finally had time just to sit and think about everything and that is when the self-doubt began to creep it’s way into my head.

Will I be a good wife? What if I screw this up? What if he becomes sick of me? And on and on.

Even now, I am very critical of myself as a wife. If I don’t cook dinner enough, or get all the laundry done and put away, slack on cleaning the house or nag too much or get snappy with my husband for no reason; I am immediately giving myself demerits. I am far tougher on myself than any other person could be, and I often forget that I am only human.

I will make mistakes” is the consoling internal mantra I said to myself leading up to our wedding day and still continue to say to myself today.

Will I be a good wife?
Perhaps not always, but aim to be the best.

What if I screw this up?
Take marriage a day at a time. If you fall short one day, then there is always the next day to do better.

What if he becomes sick of me?
I can’t necessarily control this one; however, I aim always to keep things interesting! My husband often says there is never a dull moment with me; I pride myself on that.

When you get overwhelmed by negative thoughts, remind yourself to take it a day at a time. Don’t ignore those feelings, investigate what is making you feel that way – perhaps you’ll learn something about yourself in the process.

One of the coolest things I think about being married is that you have someone with whom to go through all of life’s many ups and downs. I urge anyone before you take the plunge to ask yourself what being a wife/husband means to you. It allows you to focus and prepare yourself for the enormity of what you are about to do – and if you have a moment of freaking out, that’s okay! It’s normal.

I am excited to share current struggles and great successes as well as offer ideas and advice for what works and doesn’t work for me in my life as well as report on what I observe of others around me. My hope is other wives will share their experiences as well and perhaps, in time a supportive wives club will emerge.