Originally Posted on April 28, 2017 on The Texas Conflict Coach
I am an observant person. I have been fascinated by people and how they interact with one another, how they behave when they are alone, and why they ultimately do the things they do. Over the course of my twenty-seven years of life, I have observed the people around me and learned from these observations some key understandings about life and conflict.
Here is what I have learned:
- You cannot control most of the things and people around you. The one element in any given situation you have complete control over is yourself, and that makes you incredibly powerful.
- Optimism is better than pessimism. It brings a better outcome.
- If you spend all your time looking and thinking about the past, you’ll never move forward.
- You are human and you will make mistakes. Acknowledge when you do, apologize, and try and do better next time.
- Most conflicts come down to miscommunication between two people.
- Taking a few deep breaths can change a lot: your mood, your perspective, your ability to talk with reason.
- Knowing when to remain silent and when to speak up is one of the most important skills you can learn.
- There is something below the surface that someone is battling or holding on to, not every conflict is about you or something you did. You could have just been the trigger.
- There is a bigger picture. A small justice or victory now could result in damaging the bigger picture. Always keep that in mind.
- Putting yourself in another person’s shoes can be a challenging task to achieve, however, doing it can completely change your point of view on the issue and the person.
- Taking time to think before responding can decrease the number of conflicts your words might cause later.
- When in doubt, genuinely apologize.
- Listening is far more important than speaking.
- You contribute to every conflict in some way – just like the tango conflict takes two.
- Many conflicts are not managed constructively, but when you see one that is, you’ll never look at conflict in the same way.
What have you observed about life and conflict in the world around you? I’d love to hear it!